Magic lessons
by Amrei
Summary: Please I'll give anything for my people to life! - In her search for a way to rescue her people from the nearing ogres Belle promised anything to the magic if it only helped her. Unfortunately for her, bargaining with raw magic has dangers all of its own and subsequently she is thought three harsh lessons.
1. First Lesson

This is my gift for theladyofthedarkcastle, the most wonderful gift recipient anyone could have asked for, in the Rumbelle Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2014!

 **Prompt:** Belle seeks Rumplestiltskin, magic lessons

* * *

Magic is greedy.

That was the first lesson magic thought Belle and the harshest. Magic was greedy and if you promised anything – _please I'll give anything for my people to life!_ \- then that was exactly what it was going to take. That had been her first lesson, but even though it was the one she had been thought at the very beginning, she didn't understand what had truly happened until much later and she had certainly no idea of it, when she stood at the gates of the Dark Castle, her heart in her throat, not quite believing that she was finally there.

Haltingly Belle took another step towards the imposing iron gates and wasn't it stupid, that she faltered now, at the end of her journey? The blue light had guided her all the way from Avonlea, through the Enchanted Forest and finally to the far mountains, and she hadn't once haltered since she had first managed to depart. "Be brave", she whispered and the words materialized in little clouds in the cold air, a tangible proof of her being there. It helped a bit. "Be brave and bravery will follow."

The words had almost lost their meaning in all the times Belle had repeated them since it all began, but they still helped her focus. They were what had kept her from breaking apart that first morning she had woken up in a heap on the floor, crumbled in the middle of her carefully drawn pentagram and half covered in the equally carefully applied chalk, back when Belle hadn't been quite able to believe that the night before had been anything more than a fanciful dream. In the harsh morning light the magical symbols she had copied had seemed like child's play and she still remembered her doubts: If she had lacked even there, how could she possibly have succeeded with the rest, how could the surge of power she had felt when she had finished the incarnations have been real? She was after all neither a fairy nor a sorceress, so when she had woken and nothing had seemed to have changed after her try to summon help, Belle hadn't doubted that she had failed. But everything had changed. When she had gotten off the floor there had been the light, nothing more than a little blue sphere hovering in the air before her, and when she had laughed out loud and turned to the maid whose presence had woken her in the first place, the girl had looked right through her, as if she wasn't there.

In a way Belle had succeeded. There, flying before her, had been the tangible proof of the magic she had called to, spinning away from her, as if urging her to follow, but even as she had promised anything to the magic if it only helped her save her people from the nearing ogres, her heart had seemed to be squeezed by an iron fist when she had realized that the price had been her. Belle had still been there, with the solution to her realm's problems at her fingertips, but to anyone else she had been gone.

She hadn't stayed long after that realization. Seeing her father despair over her disappearance, with no clue left but the mysterious magic symbols on the floor of her room and her with no possibility to tell him that she was well, had broken her heart and so she had repeated her mantra – _Be brave, Belle, and help your people. Be brave and the bravery you need will come_ \- and followed the light.

It had led her away from the sea, further away from her home than she had ever been, and no one had seen her. People had looked right through her when she had walked in broad daylight, when she had walked towards them they had evaded her without hesitation and when she had touched them they had turned away, as if they hadn't even noticed. In the end it had been but a little price if she only managed to save her family, her friends, but when she had been so utterly alone even on the most frequented roads, it sometimes hadn't felt like it, no matter how selfish she had known that thought to be.

In a way it had gotten better, when she had finally left the last settlements behind and made her way through the dark forest. At least here, there had been no one to remind her of her predicament and the creatures, that inhabited the deep parts of the forest and made it such a danger to travellers, couldn't see her and so she had been save from harm. Sometimes she had sensed their eyes on her though, searching as if they had known that something had been there, even if they couldn't exactly pinpoint it. Belle had felt more happiness than dreed in these moments. At last a proof that she was still real, not a dream dreamed by herself. When she had finally made her way into the mountains, she had been almost sorry to leave that exhilarating feeling behind, but her guiding light had grown brighter with every mile she had travelled, and Belle had known that her destination, whatever it was, hadn't been far off. She had tried not to think about what would happen to her after she succeeded with her plan. First she had to be brave, and then she could worry.

Still, even though she reminded herself that she had to find a way to fight the ogres and that she really shouldn't hesitate mere feet from her goal, the uncertainty of what lay beyond almost shocked her for another moment. Being brave for a moment was easy, but sustaining that bravery over months was a whole other matter. And suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore that she had managed it… Suddenly an unbidden question came to mind: What if she had travelled the country and sacrificed herself, only for an empty promise of safety?

"What exactly, do you think you're doing there, dearie?" The voice came from directly behind her and Belle gasped more out of shock than fear, before one thought rushed to the forefront of her mind and replaced all other thoughts: "You can see me?"

The …well, creature, for lack of a better word, before her cocked his head. "Well, obviously, you didn't approach exactly stealthily", it tittered, giggling in a high voice, and suddenly the coin dropped. The green scales, the impish voice – she knew him, even though she had always believed him to be nothing more than the stuff of fairy tales. "You're Rumplestiltskin!" she breathed, and suddenly there was her answer: everyone knew the tales about the imp who made a deal for one's heart's desire – for a price.

"And again with the obvious, dearie, since you're at my castle, which no one should find by the way!" The grin vanished from his face as fast as it had appeared and he took another step towards her and Belle had to force herself not to step away from him. So close the magic around him seemed to cackle in the air. "Instead of questioning me you should better tell me how you found your way here. Quickly at best, so as not to make me do something I might regret – or rather not."

Again that malicious grin and Belle forced herself to keep her chin up, as he stared her down with his strange reptilian eyes. She hadn't come this far only to be sent away so close to her goal. Determined she gestured to the light now floating directly between them. "I sought help for my people and the magic lead me here." She swallowed hard, still not looking away. "Please- you are our last hope."

'You are our last hope' – that seemed so meaningless in the face of the slaughter her town would face if nothing was done, but what else could she possibly say? Suddenly Belle felt unbelievably silly for not thinking of a compelling argument through her journey. She had just assumed that the hard part was already over; she'd dealt with the magic, so surely everything would be well now.

He looked at her for a long moment, a look people usually reserved for a pet that had managed a surprising trick, before he finally let his hypnotizing gaze leave her and Belle felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted of her chest, once again able to breathe. What now held his undivided attention was the light that still hovered between them and didn't seem all that impressed, when he pocked it with a slender clawed finger. "Interesting… This is potent magic, although dreadfully underused as is, if what you say is true. How exactly did you come by this?" For a moment he seemed deep in thought and Belle noticed fascinated that his voice dropped to an almost human level then. It took her a second until his actual words reached her through her musing.

' _He didn't say no!_ ' It wasn't a big consolation, but it still gave Belle new courage in her conversation with this strange creature. "I found a book with a spell that promised answers to one's problems and it gave me the light."

"You bargained with raw magic?" Rumplestiltskin's attention was back on her in an instant and the intensity of his gaze made her shudder involuntarily. "And what pray tell did you promise to entice it to listen to someone without a single spark of magic to herself?"

Belle swallowed hard, but her voice stayed firm. "Anything it wanted – I'm invisible to anyone, anyone but you. Probably because you are who it was supposed to lead me to in the first place…"

"That might be as it is, but you see, you DON'T have my help yet. Nothing is for free, magic the very least - you should have learned that much at least." He giggled menacingly, but this time it was at Belle not to be all that impressed. What did she have to lose after all? Her life? There wasn't much left of it as it was and if she failed – she couldn't even think about it.

"My people are in danger to be killed by the ogres. I don't even know how far they have neared by now, and everything I have is yours, you only have to ask – I'm willing to give anything, you know that already", she stated as factually as she was able. Belle really didn't want to think about what his actual service would cost, when finding him had already had such a steep price, but opting out now was simply not an option.

"You really should have learned not to say that one so fast", he mused darkly, before he walked around her, his gaze thoughtful. "And what if I said I wanted your life? Your sanity? Your hide?" He giggled again, then stopped abruptly. Her heart was now firmly in her throat, but Belle stood steadfast. She couldn't fail her father, not after she had already hurt him so much in her try to get this far. Belle had always wanted to be a hero and this was her chance to be brave, even though it had always seemed so much more glorious in her stories.

When she didn't protest, he looked at her thoughtfully again, before raising his hands in a gesture of nonchalance. "Well, it's your lucky day. As it happens I may be in a need for a caretaker for my rather large estate." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but Belle only held his gaze as he waited for her reaction. Her chest hurt from the struggle of forcing her breath to stay calm and she felt as if she would surely break down if she relaxed for the slightest moment, but she managed to keep his gaze. She was his to do with as he pleased if she wanted his help and if he demanded her virtue she wouldn't protest – it was simple as that. At least this way she had the semblance of a choice to whom it was traded away, something she would not have had when it would have come to accepting the husband of her father's choosing. This wasn't so different.

"Well, it might actually come in handy to have a maid around, that doesn't get underfoot when I have guests", he finally thought out loud, before he looked back at her. "Deal?"

"My family will be safe, my friends?" she asked, but it was already more of a formality than a real question. Both of them knew what her answer would be.

"You have my word!"

"Then I'll stay with you", Belle promised solemnly, and even though she had already doubted her future in the state she was, she realized that she had still clung to the vague hope of being reunited with her family when her heart clenched painfully. She'd never be able to go back, but if she didn't do this, there would be nothing to go back to.

"It's forever dearie" Rumplestiltskin grinned, before he turned around abruptly. "Well, come along now, there's a lot of dust around here, better you get to work sooner than later."

Belle needed a second to collect herself, before she hasted after him. "And my people?" Rumplestiltskin didn't even turn around, he only snapped his fingers and how could all her troubles be ended by such a mundane gesture? "Consider it done."

Belle followed him dazedly, and when he gleefully shoved her into a dungeon cell, she just sat down on her cot, still numb from all that had happened. Her people were safe – with a snap of his fingers, the ogres had been banished, a feat they hadn't been able to accomplish through years of fights and sacrifices. With a deep sigh Belle curled up and leaned her head against her drawn up knees. If he expected her to despair over her new accommodations she would have to disappoint him. At the moment she simply felt bone tired.

This was and at the same time wasn't like her stories. In her books the heroes were always courageous and never unsure about what was to come. But they also always ended when the danger had been banished. Belle had reached that point, paid every price demanded of her and now she didn't know what to feel. She had succeeded, but the rest of her life seemed to stretch out before her in a never ending trot. Resolutely she shook her head and sat up straighter. No, that was exactly the wrong way to think. It hadn't all been for nothing, her family was safe and no price could be too high for that. She'd make the best of her situation. She'd always wanted adventures after all and what could be more exciting than serving a sorcerer? Not much. Belle smiled weakly. "Be brave", she whispered. "Be brave and everything will be alright."

ooo

When he called for her the next morning, Belle did her best to stand up straight and keep her chin up. ' _Be brave'_ , she repeated in her head, a silent mantra as she made his tea in the large kitchen that looked as if it hadn't been used in more years than she had graced this land. ' _Be brave'_ , she repeated, as she stepped into the great hall, where she found her master - a word that still sent an uncomfortable chill down her spine - in front of his spinning wheel.

He looked at her expectantly as she neared slowly with the tea things, careful not to stumble over her boots. It was a silly thought, but the mental image of her grubby boots and dirty travel clothes surrounded by all this finery made a nervous smile appear on her face. She was a mess, but he'd chosen her this way, so until he gave her a chance to clean herself and her clothes up there wasn't much she could do about it. It was a surprisingly calming thought. He for his part didn't seem to be bothered over much by her appearance, as he started to detail her duties: "You will serve me my meals and you will clean the dark castle." She nodded absentmindedly, as she tried to tiptoe in a way over to him that would leave her dirty boots in as little contact with the beautiful carpet as possible. "You will dust my collection and launder my clothing, you will fetch me fresh straw for my wheel, oh and you will skin the children I hunt for their pelts."

Belle froze and before she could form a clear thought the tray had fallen to the floor and her heart was in her throat. Rumplestiltskin on the other hand only seemed amused. "That one was a quip, not serious", he added flippantly, as if he couldn't really understand how she hadn't gotten that in the first place.

Belle laughed breathlessly, at seeing his smile, more because of surprise than real mirth at his special kind of humour, but she felt a little lighter as she knelt down to pick up the cups. Somehow knowing that Rumplestiltskin had a sense of humour, however twisted, made her fell a good deal better about working for him. "Right", she murmured drily, but not without a little smile, only to halt again as she cradled the first cup in her hands.

"Oh I'm so sorry, it's chipped." Belle looked up to him apologetically and bit on her lip. She had always been clumsy, and in combination with the shock his 'quip' had put her in, she wasn't exactly surprised by what had happened, but she still felt disturbingly unsure about the incident. Somehow Belle couldn't quite bring herself to believe that even a sorcerer would turn his maid into a slug just because she broke a cup, but on the other hand she really didn't know all that much about her new master and how gravely he would see such an incident. "You can hardly see it", she tried to appease him, as she held it up as if to proof her point, but he only looked at her with a raised brow before stating "It's just a cup" with complete incomprehension and Belle had to smile as the tension left her.

It probably wasn't very smart to judge someone on their reaction on a broken cup, but after that Belle felt better. Maybe this wasn't how she had planned to spend her life, but more and more she felt as if it wasn't such a bad fate to spend her life in the dark castle with him. When she went back to her cell, after that first fateful day, giddy with nerves, and her limbs heavy from the exhaustion of bodily work she wasn't used to, she found a steaming bath, a fresh linen dress and clean boots. When she asked him about it the next morning, he had only stated that he wouldn't want her to dirty up the place anymore –he'd acquired her to clean up after all. Belle had still thanked him and smiled when he turned away, the picture of demonstrative nonchalance.

ooo

Her work turned out to be surprisingly satisfying, once she threw herself into it. Every single inch of her body hurt when she went to bed, but the honest tiredness in the evenings made her feel as accomplished as she had never felt before. Belle relished being useful for once, to work with her hands and do more than a little needlework. But what she enjoyed most was exploring the sprawling castle with all its hidden treasures, while she cleaned.

Her first big find was a room behind the kitchen she had first dismissed as a broom cupboard, only to stumble into a sea of gold when she'd looked for a dustpan. She hadn't wondered where the threat Rumplestiltskin spun every evening went to before, but looking at the mountains of gold wire she suddenly wondered how old he actually was to have had time to make enough wire to fill a whole room, and a large one at that. Most of her other finds weren't nearly as spectacular, but Belle still felt a burst of happiness every time she discovered another of the castle's secrets. There were hidden passages and cabinets full of strange instruments and one morning while dusting she even found a room full of children's clothes; they were old and worn, peasant's garb, and they were in such a stark contrast to the other treasures in the castle that Belle kept wondering about them for quite some time. It was an adventure.

And then there was Rumplestiltskin of course. He always made sure to seem dismissive of her, but then he just happened to be lingering around her far too often for it to be a mere coincidence, even if he made a great show of pointing out spots she had supposedly missed in her cleaning. Belle personally thought he was simply lonely – and she could understand. After her time being invisible, she enjoyed his presence more than she would ever have guessed.

In the evenings, when she was finished with her chores, she took to sitting in the great hall with him and reading one of the books, she had collected from all over the castle, while he spun. She hadn't believed that it could come to such a comfortable camaraderie between them, even when she had admonished herself to be brave, but Belle was content. It would probably be wrong to call the warm feeling, that had settled in her chest 'happiness' -she missed her father too much for that and everything here was still too strange to her - but there were moments she found herself smiling for no real reason and almost forgot her problems.

And Belle was quite sure that she wasn't the only one that was getting more and more comfortable in their arrangement, even though she was certainly the only one who would admit to it. Rumplestiltskin might still have gone to great lengths to underline that she was simply here to take care of the castle, but there was still great kindness in their interactions, even though he did his best to cover them up as nothing but coincidences.

When he presented her with a new room, a bedchamber fit for a queen, he did his best not to look at her as he waved his hand in direction of the stairs and assured her that it was only because he needed his cells after all. As long as she traipsed around down there, where could he take his captives to be tortured after all? Belle had not seen a soul but them in the weeks she had stayed at the dark castle and didn't expect a change in these circumstances, so she only smiled at him and kept her thoughts to herself.

But what really changed her opinion of him wasn't the chamber he gave her, nor the kindness he did his best to cover up, but the incident with the thief.

Usually at this time Belle would have long curled up with a good book either in her chamber, or before the fire in the great hall, listening while Rumplestiltskin spun. But usually she also finished her chores well before the evening. It wasn't even that she had been so overwhelmed from her workload that she hadn't managed that goal today. Her actual chores basically consisted of fixing Rumplestiltskin his meals as best as she could – which wasn't all that good if she was to be honest, but at least she hadn't set anything on fire for quite some time and Rumplestiltskin never complained either way-, bring him his tea – her favourite part of the day, especially when he took the opportunity to talk to her- and keeping at least the most frequented parts of the castle clean.

In the beginning she had thought to tidy up the whole castle, but as it turned out the cheer scale of the building made that task quite impossible. As it was Belle choose one part of the castle a week to clean in addition to the usual area and while that meant that the whole castle never was completely spotless, it at least meant that she slowly freed all its parts from the thick grime that had settled on the unused rooms in what must have been centuries.

All in all it was a quite manageable workload that allowed her to indulge into reading the books she saved from oblivion in a faraway corner of the castle, but that comfortable situation sadly had dangers of its on, as that day had proven. Belle truly had only wanted to thumb through her newest finding, but the book had proven to be captivating from the start and when she had finally managed to wretch herself away from the book it had already been late afternoon and most of her work had still been waiting for her, which was the reason why she was still busy sweeping the great hall so late in the evening.

Well, at least it wasn't as if she was missing something more captivating… Rumplestiltskin was still out on one of his ominous deals and while she enjoyed the stories he brought back from them, she felt the loss of his presence keenly. Belle had never been overly social and always content enough when she had been left alone with her books, but she had also never shunned company and after the experience of being invisible to every other being, her time in his presence had become especially precious to her. If he was here now, he'd surely mock her for her tardiness, but he would also make her laugh while she worked and maybe even make some of the dust vanish - of course only when he thought she wouldn't notice.

So when she heard a crash from the hall, her first reaction wasn't dreed but a smile. While she felt as if she had gotten at least closer to knowing Rumplestiltskin in the last weeks, he still puzzled her often enough and a few broken things at his arrival weren't the strangest thing she had experienced with him by far, so she simply got back to work.

What did startle her, was the man that strode through the hall when she turned around. She froze in her movement and the broom fell out of her hand. It fell down to the floor with a deep thump and Belle stopped breathing when the stranger whirled around to her. Rumplestiltskin was nowhere in sight and everyone who managed to bypass the castle's wards was sure not to be impressed by a maid armed with a simple broom. ' _Or not even that'_ , as she had to amend with a look to the floor. She had to do something before he decided to act, but quite unlike her stories, where the heroes always got the saving idea when they needed it most, her mind seemed purged from all thoughts. The only thing left for her to do was to face the situation and try to get through it – but when she looked up, determined, but with her heart razing in her chest, the stranger looked straight through her.

The curse! Belle had to stop herself from laughing out loud. How could she have forgotten her predicament? Such a monumental thing? It seemed almost impossible, but when she thought about it the answer was almost too obvious. Rumplestiltskin had seen her after all and with him as her only company, and good company at that, she had barely thought about the fact that his was the only company she would ever be able to have again.

Belle was so lost in her thoughts that she needed a moment to notice that the intruder had seemingly dismissed the noise as nothing and was now once again walking towards Rumplestiltskin's treasures.

"Stop!" She knew that he wouldn't hear her, but she couldn't help herself. She just couldn't stand by and watch him steal from Rumplestiltskin, not after what he had done for her, payment or not. But what could she do? Belle still had no more ideas for a great plan than she did before, but she ran after him all the same. The man had picked up the slender wand that had always rested on one of the display cases Rumplestiltskin treasured so and without further thought Belle grabbed for it. Rumplestiltskin had always forbidden her to even think of touching any of the magical items in the castle and Belle truly believed that it was for her own good, especially with regards to her own experiences with magic, but she just couldn't let him take it. "Let go!"

The thief still didn't notice her, but he surely did notice that the wand suddenly didn't move anymore. He frowned. "A magical barrier?" he whispered to himself and she only pulled harder. He was stronger than her by far, but the month of labour had given her at least some strength and she held on for dear life. At least he hadn't guessed at her presence. Maybe he would just give up, if he thought that the wand was protected by some kind of magic and not just a girl who grew more and more tired by the moment. Whatever happened she wouldn't let him steal it and in a last effort of her strength Belle let herself fall with all her weight and his grip slipped.

The fall knocked the breath out of her lungs and a sharp pain shot through her head as it cracked on the stone floor. For a moment she saw nothing but stars, but she had the wand and as she caught her breath again she had to laugh. She got it, now she only had to get away from here and he wouldn't be able to get the wand back. If she could only get her legs to obey her again, but for the moment her head still swam too much and she had to content herself with watching him.

At first he simply looked startled, but he still got his bearings back before her and then it was too late. Belle hadn't even noticed his bow until he trained it on the general direction of the wand – and her. To him it had to look as if the wand was flying a little over the floor and it seemed as if he had come to the conclusion that the wand couldn't truly land so awkwardly on its own.

"There you are. Almost lost sight of you and the wand. What are you, a ghost?" His gaze searched the ground around the wand, but he still looked right through her. She should be able to get away without him noticing, but she didn't know how she could take the wand with her. Maybe she should just throw it and then run after it, while he shoot into the empty air? She sat up, but her head still hurt too much to even think about sprinting out of the hall and his next words made her plans null and void anyway.

"If there's someone I'd recommend giving me the wand", he said calmly, still aiming at her. "Any arrows from this bow always find their target and I don't think you want to find out for yourself what it can do to you."

Belle ground her teeth together and ignored the stinging pain as she finally got up and took a step back. She could feel her hands shake violently, but she only griped the wand tighter. She wouldn't let him get it and he seemed to have come to the same conclusion, as he let the arrow fly. "How I love magic!" His voice barely registered with her as one thought fought its way to the surface of her mind and ended in one last scream: "Rumplestiltskin!"

And suddenly he was there, in front of her.

"As do I!" His voice was darker than she had ever heard it, but her heart still leaped at hearing it. Somehow she couldn't believe anything bad could happen now that he was here.

"Rumplestiltskin!" In Belle's ears the intruder sounded strangely shocked at seeing Rumplestiltskin in his own castle, but that might have had to do with the manner of his arrival. Still, he seemed to share her disbelief.

"Indeed, the question is who are you, and what are you doing in my castle?" The question reminded her of her own first meeting with him, but this time his voice was cold as ice. He seemed darker than she had ever seen him before and Belle had to remind herself that he was protecting her in order not to be afraid of him. Haltingly Belle laid her hand on his back, and somehow the warmth under her hand helped her keep calm. They had a deal and when she had called he came and now he was there, protecting her. Still, she almost had to admire the stranger when he managed to keep any trace of fear out of his voice when he answered. "I need the wand and you better get out of the way. This bow never misses its mark, and next time I will aim right for your black heart, not your hand!"

The words sent a cold rush through Belle. The arrow! With Rumplestiltskin appearing she had all but forgotten about it, but when she stepped around Rumplestiltskin, away from the protection of his body, she saw that he had gripped the arrow out of the air, the shaft piercing right through his hand. "No-"she began, but Rumplestiltskin's gaze only got grimmer, as he looked at her. "Oh, now I'm afraid", he taunted, as he turned back around to the archer and then the arrow hit his chest.

Belle watched frozen as he gasped - and the suddenly giggled! "Sorry, but it takes far more to harm me!" With a simple gesture of his hand the arrows vanished, with another the bow was out of the thief's grasp and with a third he was bound by thick ropes and only then he finally turned around to Belle.

It was stunning how fast his expression changed. From one moment to the next the hard look melted from his features and he was her Rumplestiltskin again, not the Dark One, even though he still looked slightly annoyed, as he gestured for her to turn around. She almost shrank back, when warm fingers softly touched the back of her head, where her hair had become wet with blood from her fall.

"My maid on the other hand is quite another matter." His tone sounded almost conversationally, but Belle didn't miss the hard undercut as he caressed the back of her head and her skin prickled for a moment, before his magic closed her wound. "When I wanted a maid that wouldn't get underfoot that wasn't what I had in mind."

Now the thief sounded honestly perplexed. "Maid?"

"Yes, the one you treated so poorly. But I think I'll get you to tell me how you thought taking or harming what is mine was a good idea." He whirled around again and even though Belle couldn't see his face, she knew that his dark expression was back. "As you seem so fond of magic, I'll give you your first magic lesson: All magic comes with a price and in your case that's me."

Belle turned around in time to see him drag his prisoner in the direction of the dungeons and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach, as she remembered how she had laughed at the idea of the cells coming into use again. She'd never hated being wrong more than right then.

ooo

Belle had known that this was a bad idea, but even though she had assured herself that she hadn't planned this when she had gone down to the dungeons to bring their prisoner some food, she had already been dimly aware back then that she was only lying to herself.

The would-be-thief looked bad, but not as bad as she had imagined when she had seen Rumplestiltskin come up in his bloody apron. His face was pale and there were dark spots on his shirt, but he still seemed to be in one piece, even though he looked worn out. She was glad, but at the same time she had the niggling thought that a prisoner that was hurt too badly couldn't talk anymore and hadn't she seen how effortlessly magic could heal just yesterday? Her stomach turned, as she opened the door, and her knuckles turned white around the tray she was holding.

She hadn't be able to sleep at all the last night, Rumplestiltskin's menacing grimace still too fresh on her mind. They had settled in such a comfortable routine that Belle had all but forgotten the grim stories about her master. Belle had never taken tales at face value and when she was confronted with his covert kindness on a daily basis, she had all but forgotten the tales about his darker dealings, but suddenly she couldn't anymore and that had left her more shocked than she could believe. He was dark, he was brutal and whatever she had thought about his nature seemed to be proven wrong, looking at his prisoner.

She laid the tray on the ground before him and startled when he laid his hand on it. "Wait, it's you, the maid, isn't it?" His voice was a little rough, but that could be as well from thirst as from screaming his throat raw and Belle quickly set the jug of water on the ground before him. She truly wanted to answer him, but how, when he couldn't see, couldn't fell her? But he seemed to have detected her presence when he noticed the tray, so she tried to take the porridge bowl away again and he nodded shaky. "Yes, you are. He didn't only make you invisible, did he? I have to concentrate to notice you, even when you interact with object… It's as if the things simply vanish…" He trailed off and Belle felt a new rush of frustration. Whatever crimes Rumplestiltskin had committed, her predicament wasn't one of them, but how could she tell that someone who couldn't even properly notice her?

For a few moments they just sat in silence and Belle felt her stomach knot again. Suddenly she was back on the road, alone while being surrounded by people, but this time it was almost worse. This time there was someone, who knew that she was there, but she still couldn't talk to him.

"I'm sorry, you know?" His voice was quiet, when he spoke again. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I needed that wand more than anything else and now… Now my last chance is lost…"

He sounded so honestly sorry and Belle saw Rumplestiltskin before her inner eye. Rumpelstilstkin as she had gotten to know him and not the cruel sorcerer. She closed her eyes. She knew what she had to do.

ooo

It hadn't taken him long to find the cell empty, and barely any longer for him to find Belle, who had sat in the great hall, a book in hand she had been too overwrought to read. She had stared at the pages without seeing anything when Rumplestiltskin had come to her, shouting in a rage as great as she had never seen before. Rumplestiltskin had still worn the bloody apron, in his hands a knife and even though his manner had lost most of his artificialness, he had seemed even less human than ever before and for the first time Belle had been truly afraid of him.

But that had been exactly the reason why she had had to stand up to him. She had seen good in him, had truly believed, that there was more to him than first met the eye; kindness if one only got past his guard. Then, his face a mask of cruel mockery and the thief's blood still on his clothes, she had felt incredibly silly, especially because she still hoped that she hadn't been completely wrong, but she just hadn't been able to let him go through with it. Not only for the thief's sake, but his own.

He had only scoffed at her suggestion that he must have had a reason for stealing the wand and now she was trailing behind him through the forest and Belle couldn't think of a thing to say that could possibly stop him from shooting the man with his own bow. She had already appealed to the good in him, but without success. Maybe she had truly been wrong about him, the only person she would ever know again and the thought made her stomach clench.

"You know it's still not too late to turn back", she tried again. They had been walking for a long while now and they hadn't seen a trace of him yet. Maybe Rumplestiltskin would become bored by this hunt, if it only took long enough. In truth, she didn't believe it herself. "I'm not going to stand by and watch you kill a man."

Rumpelstiltkin snorted. "You're welcome to sit if you like, but you are going to watch. That's the whole point of our little expedition, remember? To see what your actions wrought." His tone cut her to the bone and Belle was still searching for words to answer him with, when she saw him. The thief was standing under a tree, not a hundred feet away from them.

"Found him." There was obvious mirth in his voice and Belle looked away. She didn't want to see his face. Still, she couldn't stop trying. "Look, he's waiting for something", she whispered as a cart appeared. A card with an obviously ill woman.

"That woman…" she whispered and for the first time in a long while she started to hope again.

"That must be the one he stole from the sheriff", Rumplestiltskin agreed and Belle did her best not to think of the sleazy man they had met on the road. In that moment she had been truly glad for her invisibility.

Whatever had happened with the sheriff, life hadn't treated her kindly. Her skin was sallow and even though she looked glad to see the thief she seemed unable to move on her own. "She's sick, she's going to die."

For Belle, the reason behind the suicidal theft had suddenly become clear, but Rumplestiltskin didn't seem to be moved by the same epiphany. "So is he", he said and already drew the bow, when Belle pulled his arm back. She couldn't let him do it! "Stop!", she shouted and gestured at the pair before them. The man had drawn the wand and started to heal the woman. "I'm right about him, that's why he stole the wand! It's so he could heal the woman he loved." Belle stared at him imploringly. Surely he couldn't remain unmoved by this revelation. If there was any good left in him he just couldn't ignore this reasoning.

"He's still a thief", he argued, but he didn't sound nearly as enraged as before and Belle found new hope. "And she would have died if he hadn't stolen your wand!"

Rumplestiltskin looked at her for a long moment, then he turned away again. "And now he gets to die and she can tell all of Sherwood Forest what happens when you steal from Rumplestiltskin!" He sounded determined again and Belle wanted to reach for him, to stop him from making this mistake, but he was faster than her and with a cloud of purple smoke she was suddenly stuck to the waist in the ground. "That should give you a good view." There he was again, Rumplestiltskin the sorcerer, Rumplestiltskin the showman, and Belle felt a new wave of desperation overcome her, as she tried to free herself.

"You don't have to do this, I was right about the thief and I'm right about you!" Her voice shook and by now her words were as much for herself as they were for him. She had to believe that there was more to him, she just couldn't let go of the memories that hinted at so much more, when it came to him. She just couldn't give up on the last person she had left. "Look", she called in a last fit of determination. "She's pregnant, you're not the kind of man to leave a child fatherless - no!"

Rumplestiltskin had shoot and Belle felt her world come apart around her. She had truly thought to see hesitation in his expression, but then he had done it anyway. Belle closed her eyes and fought back the tears. She had truly hoped to be right about him.

"I missed." Rumplestiltskin's voice was strangely calm and it took Belle a moment to understand his meaning. She first stared at him, then at the arrow that had burrowed itself in the wood of the cart. A smile bloomed on her face as Rumplestiltskin freed her from the earth with a wave of his hand. "Get back to the carriage, I'm bored of this forest." His tone was carefully casual, but Belle didn't buy it for a moment.

"You're not going after him", she stated, still smiling at him. He didn't look at her as he answered. "Not worth the effort." It sounded as if the topic was closed for him, but Belle wouldn't let this go. "You sparred his life!"

Rumplestiltskin actually had the gall to look appalled. "What? I did nothing of that sort." Belle had to stifle a lough, as she walked towards him. "That bow has magic in it, it never misses its target", she reminded him softly, but Rumpelstilstkin remained steadfast.

"Maybe the magic simply wore - " He hesitated, as Belle stepped even closer to him and looked her in the eyes "-off", he finished lamely.

He could protest all he liked, but Belle knew the facts, knew that he could have killed him in an instant, if not with the bow, then with his own magic, but she kept quiet. Rumpelstilskin was a creature of marvel, keeping his secrets close to his chest and his real character even closer, but she knew now, more keenly than she had ever before, that he had a good heart underneath it all, no matter how much he tried to protest. Belle smiled at him and without thinking hugged him close to her. His skin was warm even through her cloak, even though his cloak, and he smelled like sharp spices and straw. He froze under her touch, apparently too startled to react and her grin grew even wider, as she burrowed her head against his shoulder. His attitude was truly nothing but smoke and mirrors. The smile was still firmly on her face, as she took a few steps back and made to walk back to the carriage. A few feet away she turned around. "Aren't you coming?"

ooo

Something had changed between them that day and Belle had the feeling that she wasn't the only one to notice.

It still was too early for any sort of well-grounded assessment of her new master – the latest events had proven that at least- but Belle still thought she slowly had the first trace of a measure of Rumplestiltskin: He took great pleasure in shocking those around him – or at least her, the only person she had observed him interacting with- and took delight in their reactions, but when she simply laughed along with him instead of quivering in shook, he seemed strangely pleased. Rumplestiltskin seemed to think that he had to remind her of his beastly nature, but the more he tried to scandalize her, the more Belle came to the conclusion that his words were truly only that: words.

In the weeks she had stayed with him he had been nothing but kind to her, if not in words then in deeds, and whatever he had said that first day she had pledged her service to him, he hadn't come to her bed that night or any other and Belle blushed at the thought of the warmth that had overcome her, when she had hugged him so close to her. Maybe she wouldn't quite mind now… He had his dark sides, but in the end he seemed to choose the right way, even though he seemed to feel the need to justify his good deeds and wasn't that a strange habit?

When he gave her the library he had assured her that it was only another room her for to clean, but Belle knew how to take that by then. If that was his way of apologizing, she wouldn't force him to explain himself. What truly mattered wasn't the gift itself, or even the apology behind it nor the warmth she had felt curse through herself when she had held him close, but the fact that for once Belle truly believed that she could make a life out of her situation and maybe even a happy one at that. She still missed her father terribly, but he was save and that was worth every sacrifice. She had already more than she could have hoped for when she made this deal and Belle swore to herself that she'd make the best of it.


	2. Second Lesson

The second lesson magic thought her was that life's too short to waste a single moment.

This one Belle understood much sooner, but it still hit her almost harder than she could bear. At first she didn't even notice that something was wrong and looking back that was maybe the hardest part to accept.

When she couldn't taste her porridge anymore one morning, Belle just shrugged it off without further thought. It was early in the new year by now, but it was still bitterly cold in the mountains, and even though magic kept the castle warm, she was outside on the castle's grounds often enough not to be surprised over a head cold. Still Belle felt good, quite unlike the dreary illnesses she had suffered in the middle of the winter at home; Belle had always been fairly robust when it came to sickness, but she had always hated the yearly colds that left her with headaches and unable to breath properly, even if it was only for a short time.

Maybe it was the mountain climate, she pondered. It was much colder here than in Avonlea and maybe she had gotten used to the colder climate and that was why the illness wasn't so hard on her this time. Whatever the reason, Belle was thankful and forgot all about it over her work, until she eyed up her dress one morning several weeks later.

It wasn't dirty, but she had worn it quite a while since she last washed it and surely it had to smell a little by now. She tried to take sniff at it, not really believing she'd be able to smell anything really – and froze. How long had her supposed cold gone on by now? More than a month surely, by far longer than any cold she had ever had before and all that without any other signs of illness than the loss of her sense of taste and smell? That couldn't be normal and even as she tried to think of a reasonable excuse, the horrible truth fought its way to the forefront of her mind: The magic hadn't been done when it made her invisible to the world.

'Anything', she had promised, and it had taken her at her word. Unconsciously she wrung her dress between her hands. 'Anything' was what she'd promised, and stupidly she had assumed that it had already taken its chosen price, when it had only just begun. 'Anything' was a horribly open promise, and if it hadn't stopped with her appearance, then why should it stop now? Why should it stop when there was still something left of her?

Numbly Belle sat back down to her cot. Despite everything she had built herself a life in the confines of her contracts, a good life, but in that instance all her happiness shattered around her. She had felt safe here, happy, and now it turned out that everything had been nothing more than a dream.

 _'And how can I tell Rumplestiltskin?_ ' She had to swallow hard at the thought of the sorcerer that had turned out to be such a kind soul despite all his protests to the contrary. The man that made her heart stumble in her chests when he looked at her a certain way and made her laugh at his crude japs. The imp, who always made sure that people held up their ends of their deals with him. She had promised him forever without realizing that that was not something she still had to offer and Belle couldn't believe that Rumplestiltskin would take kindly to being informed that he'd been cheated, however unintentionally. What was it he kept saying? Intent is meaningless…

ooo

Belle was confused, unsure of what to do and even though she knew that it was the wrong thing to do, she became more and more reluctant in his presence. She knew that the truth would come out rather sooner than later, but she had no idea how she could tell him. If he was famous for anything other than his magic, than for holding people to his deals and while the possibility that he might go back on his promise was always first on her mind when she thought about the mess she had found herself in, she also didn't want him to think bad of her and that realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

She cared what he thought of her, didn't want to miss the quiet moments, the shy smiles he gave her and the realization why came so out of nothing that it startled her, even though now it was so very obvious.

She cared for Rumplestiltskin, truly and deeply. Belle shrank back from using the word love, because wasn't loves supposed to be easy? Whatever they had, it was anything but simple, laden with misunderstandings and hesitation, and there was never anything like that in her stories. It hurt more than any of them for sure.

If possible her realization of her feelings made the situation only worse. It was truly the last thing she wanted, but suddenly there was a distance between them that hadn't been there before and how couldn't it be?

When he came to her she didn't know how to answer anymore. Her secret felt like a burning coal on her tongue, turning any words she could have said to ash in her mouth and when she didn't answer he faltered, and slowly but surely his smile smiles vanished and her heart broke all over again. Where was her bravery now, she asked herself and didn't know the answer. I wasn't even as if she didn't want to tell him at all, she just wanted a little more time with him not despising her, now that she had realized her feelings…

ooo

Belle realized that she had waited too long when she woke up one morning and her fingers were numb. It almost felt as if her hands had fallen asleep, but this time she knew better. They hadn't fallen asleep, and she wasn't sick – it was the magic demanding the next rate of its payment. Slowly Belle sat up. Her head was swimming and she had to take a few deep breaths before she could think again.

She had known that something like this was coming, had realised as much when she had finally caught on to what her mysterious cold truly was. This really didn't come as a surprise. ' _But I'm not ready yet'_. The thought came as unbidden as it was impossible to chase away. ' _I'm not ready to lose this too.'_

The thought was desperate and selfish and completely useless, but she couldn't help herself. Whatever she had told herself, she hadn't managed to come to terms with her fate. She'd been too busy worrying about Rumplestiltskin's reaction to really think about what her realisation truly meant for herself. She only noticed that she was crying, when she had to gasp for breath between heavy sobs. ' _And I'll never know what his skin feels like…_ 'The thought didn't come anywhere near out of nowhere, but it still shocked her enough to make her pause.

It was such a small thing, but somehow it mattered more to her than all the difficulties not able to feel would bring her. Belle had had to admit that she loved Rumplestiltskin a while back now, but this thought of him in this moment was somehow something else entirely. She had thought of him before herself and it scared her.

ooo

Belle couldn't concentrate on her work that day or on anything much but the fate that was overcoming her. Her fingers were still numb, even though they hadn't lost their feeling completely yet and her legs had started to tingle ominously as well. It wouldn't take long now until all her limbs were affected and Belle had to force herself not to panic.

It would happen, whatever she did or didn't do, the only question left was what she would do before it was too late, if she would do anything at all, but in truth it wasn't a real question. She knew that all this would soon fall apart, when she lost her voice, her hearing, her sight – for rather sooner than later she would not be able to hide what was happening from him anymore and then she couldn't hope for his forgiveness.

 _'I'll tell him',_ she swore to herself when she sat down in the great hall that evening, the first time in many days she hadn't fled to her room from the tension between them. She truly hadn't acted brave in the last weeks. ' _But that'll end here and now'_ , Belle decided and stood up again. ' _I'll tell him before the choice is taken from me, but first I'll have something to remember, when he sends me away_.'

It felt good to finally have reached a decision, to be brave again, and Belle smiled, when she crossed the room to where Rumplestiltskin sat behind his spinning wheel. "Good evening, Rumplestiltskin." Her voice was warm and it felt so good to open up to him again that her smile grew even wider, as he visibly startled when he looked up to her.

"Good evening, Belle." He just looked at her for a moment, before he abruptly turned back to his work. "Long time not seen. One might have thought you'd learned your lesson on speaking to monsters, dearie", he drawled, but his tone lacked the sharp undercut of real conviction and she took that as her sign to sit down next to him, slowly as if trying not to spook him. "Then one would have thought wrong, I simply had much on my mind." Her smile was a flimsy thing, but he made a point of not looking at her anyway.

"And now you haven't?" His voice was softer now and even though he still didn't look at her, his warmth almost burned her even through the cloth of her dress and the thick tissue of his coat. Belle swallowed hard. The tingling had wandered up her arms by now and the feeling in her other limbs came and went without any reason. It couldn't be long, before the magic took the next of her senses, and the thought that she would never know what the fine scales on his face felt like, his soft hair, his lips against hers, made her stomach knot.

"I have, but to tell the truth it's why I couldn't stay away anymore", she breathed quietly. Rumplestiltskin turned around then, looking at her hesitatingly. He seemed about to answer with one of his quips - something he was wont to do whenever their conversations started to chip at his guards- but she didn't give him a chance, as she leaned in to kiss him before her much applauded bravery left her.

He froze against her, startled by her actions that had been such a long time in the coming, but then he moved with her and her heart beat against her rips like an imprisoned bird and his lips were surprisingly soft against hers – and then he wretched away.

Belle blinked, first in surprise, then in shock, as she looked up to Rumplestiltskin. His skin looked mottled now, bits of pink flash showing through the scales, before his face slowly turned back to its usual green.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice barely more than an awed whisper, as she reached out to touch his jaw. He caught hold of her wrist, before she could touch him, but she still couldn't look away. His skin had once again won back its normal texture, but the ripple of the scales when they had melted into human skin and back still had her so mesmerized that she couldn't help staring in the hope of seeing it again.

"What happened?! You know full well what happened!" Belle shrank back at his harsh tone and finally turned her gaze away from his skin and to his actual expression. His face was a mask of pure rage and she couldn't help but shy away from him "What did you do? No! Who told you?!"

He was so enraged by now that he was almost spitting and Belle still could only shake her head. "I…no, I don't know. I only wanted to kiss, you before it's too… too late." She stumbled over her last words. "Please, I don't understand…"

"You almost broke my curse, that's what happened!"

Belle had felt as if her world was coming down around her. One moment she was kissing him and he was truly turning into a normal man and then he was shouting at her, but suddenly things started to make sense again. Trying to forget how much it had hurt when he had shoved her away from him, Belle looked at him questioningly. "You are cursed?"

In all the time they had spent together it hadn't crossed her mind that he could once have been different than the was now and suddenly she remembered the old clothes she had found in a chamber deep in the castle and the questions she had forgotten to ask when her own secrets had caught up with her.

"Don't play games with me, lass!" Rumplestiltskin hissed and his hold on her wrist became painful for a moment, but Belle was sure that she saw something of the man that had spent long nights telling her stories and making her laugh in his gaze. She shook her head.

"I'm not, I've no idea what happened." She looked at him imploringly. "I didn't want… I didn't know there even was anything that could happen. Please talk to me, you can tell me, Rumplestiltskin."

He looked at her for a long moment and Belle couldn't help thinking how strange he had looked in that moment he had started to change. She thought that she had seen a flash of brown eyes, but she couldn't truly imagine him any other way than he was. In the time she had stayed with him his strange eyes and scales had become normal to her and she just couldn't imagine the man behind the curse.

Moments passed and Belle already thought that he had forgotten her question, when he finally answered. "Yes." His tone was still harsh, and his gaze was laden with suspicion, but he did answer and that was more than Belle had still expected. "Yes, I'm cursed. That's where my dashing looks are from, if you were wondering, dearie."

The last part was nothing but a sneer, but Belle hardly noticed. She was too busy pondering on a question that had settled in her mind at his confirmation: How in the world did their kiss affect the curse? It was such a little thing and if Rumplestiltskins's being, his power, was rooted in this curse, than it needed great magic to be broken. The greatest magic there was…

As unbelievable as it was, she knew the answer from every song, every story she had ever read: "True love's kiss," she whispered and she sounded disbelieving even to her own ears. That was not something that truly happened to anyone outside of books and if it did than to charming princesses, not the bookish daughters of minor lords. But it was the only explanation that fit and Belle startled as another thought came to her. "That means… you love me?"

"It would seem so." Rumplestiltskin twisted his mouth askew, but Belle wasn't fooled by the snappishness of his answer. The bravado he used to hide behind was slowly crumbling and there was desperation in his eyes that made her heart clench. He was just as unsure about this as she was, probably even more so, as it was his current nature that was in danger.

"And I love you." She leaned in for another kiss, but stopped short when she remembered her last try and instead laid her forehead against his. So close she could feel his breath on her face and for a moment Belle simply closed her eyes. She felt both so elated and so ashamed that she could hardly think straight, but this was right. She had to stop lying to him, but this she just couldn't loose.

"But why didn't you let me?" The question slipped past her lips before she had time to really think about it, but it still felt right. Belle forced herself to sit back a bit and looked at him again. His face was soft as she had never seen it before, but he didn't meet her gaze and in this gesture of the powerful sorcerer, the Dark One, Belle thought to see a little of Rumplestiltskin, the man, who tried to hide his uncertainty behind his flamboyance. "Why wouldn't you let me free you of your curse?"

He sighed, the sigh of an old man. "I have to tell you a story…"

And he told her a story. The story of a cowardly spinner and the son that was more precious to him than everything else in the world. The story of how he sold his soul to the dark in order to protect his son, because he would give anything for him –I'll give anything if you let my people live!- and he told her of his loss and the curse that would reunite them at last and Belle gripped his strange scaled hand harder and harder through the story, and when she cried at the end it was as much for the poor spinner, as her guilt for lying to this loving man, that couldn't believe in himself.

She only calmed, when he pulled her towards him and startled to softly stroke her curls. "Shh, everything will be alright." Belle managed a watery smile at his words. Here was she, crying over what he had to endure and it was still him comforting her. Something was definitely backwards here, but if anything, than it proofed that she had been right about him all along.

"So that means, that we can't kiss, until you find Bae", she finally said softly, her head still pillowed on his shoulder. It was a good fit, because for all his overwhelming aura he was little taller than her in truth.

"No, sweetheart, even though I still can't believe that you would want to." He stoked on the endearment and that did the trick for her. Belle sat back a little again and looked at him with a slight grin. "But that only means, that we can't share true love's kiss, doesn't it?"

Now it was at him to look confused and Belle had to force herself not too smooth his frown with her fingers, before she remembered that there was no reason for her not to anymore. "What do you mean?" he asked a little confusedly, but she had already slipped on his lap, and laid her hand against his chest.

"Belle, what are you doing…?"

She smiled at his startled look and leaned down to trace his jawline with a feather light finger. "Not sharing true love's kiss", she whispered against his trembling skin, as he buried her face against his neck and let her hand travel down to his trousers, where the proof of his affection pressed against her. Tomorrow would still be time enough for truths, but tonight they still had to taste love. Whatever happened the next day, at least they would have this.


	3. Third Lesson

The third and last lesson magic thought her was the most devastating: Sometimes love is just not enough.

She had truly wanted to tell him everything that had happened when the first rays of light woke her up the next morning, but when she turned around in his embrace and saw him smile down to her, the words died on her lips. Rumplestiltskin looked so happy, so carefree, and that had to be the expression of the man behind the curse and suddenly she just couldn't bring herself to destroy his happiness. She still had time after all, not much, but still enough to choose a time, when she didn't sour the first happiness she had seen him in.

' _I'll just give us a little time to get used to the idea of this, then I'll tell him…'_ Things were difficult enough as it was, after all. There wasn't just the tentativeness of their budding relationship, but also the fact that her sense of feeling was finally gone. Most of all it was strange. Belle saw herself touching something, but the only physical sign for her movement was that her hand wouldn't move any further. She got even clumsier, too, but she managed.

It wasn't all that strange when she dropped something after all and when she stumbled because she hadn't looked at her feet and missed a step, Rumplestiltskin looked funnily at her new awkwardness, but Belle did her best to simply laugh it off and distract him with kisses -not on the mouth, but his nose, his cheek, his throat - and when he blushed dark under his scales and flustered she laughed even more and knew that she had succeeded, even as her heart broke. This new intimacy between them made keeping the truth from him at the same time easier and harder than she would ever have imagined. He trusted her and the knowledge made it almost impossible for her to continue, but always only almost. Belle knew that she was being selfish, but she couldn't bring herself to let go not only of him, her true love, but also of the only human contact she would ever have again

She was selfish, but she was also afraid, what it would do to their fragile relationship. ' _Just a little bit longer'_ , she told herself, as he showed her how he mixed herbs and magic to make dreams come true with a simple potion, ' _only a little while more'_ , when she lay her head on his shoulder as he spun. Belle wanted to do the right thing, but she knew that she didn't have long anymore and she did not want her last days to be filled with regret.

Still, the one thing she had always prided herself on was her bravery and whatever her reasons, what she was doing right now was not only the worst kind of unfair to Rumplestiltskin, it was also anything but brave, so when she found herself sitting next to him on the divan in the library nearly two weeks later, she forced herself to speak, as she combed his unruly curls with her fingers, her book long forgotten.

"What would you do, if someone made a deal with you, knowing that they couldn't fulfil their end of the deal?" It was an afternoon like many others lately, peaceful in its idleness, and she hoped that the question sounded like nothing but loud musing.

When he looked up from his book there was still a harsh expression on his face and Belle had to stop herself from flinching. "I'd make them regret the day they even thought about cheating me. I won't be made a fool again!" Rumplestiltskin still seemed to have noticed her reaction and his expression softened as he picked up one of her hands and softly kissed the tips of her fingers.

"Does that truly shock you so, after everything you have seen?"

Belle shock her head. She had to swallow before she found her voice again. At least he still sounded more bemused at her than anything else. She could still hide behind the hypothetical nature of her question and it was at the same time a relief and a burden.

"No, it doesn't", she answered softly and somehow she managed to keep the sadness out of her tone. "But what if they didn't know that they couldn't act on it when they made the deal?"

Rumplestiltskin only grinned. "Intent is meaningless, sweetheart."

When he kissed her forehead almost reverently, she knew that the chance to speak up had passed for now. She'd waited too long once again and the only thing this talk had brought her was the certainty that she wouldn't be able to hear him say his favourite saying without shuddering ever again.

But of course there'd be other chances, so she accepted his caresses greedily and forced the matter from her mind for the moment. There'd be another chance, one better fit for this conservation, one where she wouldn't lose everything, she just knew it.

ooo

The moment never came. Of course it didn't. If she was honest with herself there had never been the possibility of a perfect moment, only her fear of his reaction. Belle had never been half as brave as she had thought herself to be, only fulfilling her own expectations when she forced herself to strive for it. She knew that now, but honesty was the only thing she'd soon have left, so it was a shallow comfort.

In the end everything had went so fast that Belle had to take a moment to think about how it came this far as she waited for him to wake up.

When her voice had gone hoarse barely a month after she had lost her sense of touch, she hadn't believed in the cold Rumplestiltskin had diagnosed with worry in his eyes. She hadn't made that mistake a second time, but it had been no matter, for she had made another one in its state: The time for explanations had passed her by. The last time she had had nary a day of warning before the magic had collected its price and there had been no way he would have believed a word of remorse she voiced at sword point.

Instead she had used the last chance she would most likely have had to show him how much she loved him, the last time he would believe her.

Belle had kissed him with all the desperation she had been unable to voice and she had had to force herself to not go for his lips. The situation had been horrible enough without this last breach of trust. "Belle, what happened-"

She had quieted him with the closest they could get to a true kiss: She had laid her hand softly against his lips and kissed the back of it. It hadn't been nearly as intimate as the other kind of kisses they had discovered over time, but it had stood for what she would have had loved to do more than anything else and it had quieted him and when he she had closed her eyes, she hadn't been able to see the worry in his.

They had ended up in her bedroom and when she pulled him down on her bed, Belle had tried to say all she hadn't been able to voice with her touch. ' _You mean more to me, than anything else, please, please understand… Please don't let this be the last time…'_

When they had finally curled up next to each other in the dark, Rumplestiltskin had pushed a stray curl out of her face. "Will you tell me, what happened?" His voice had been soft, comforting, but she had also thought to hear a trace of uncertainty that had made her close her eyes for a long moment.

"Tomorrow", she had finally said and hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Don't worry, just…" She had forced a smile on her face. "I love you. I have for some time now and I always will. That's the only thing that matters and everything else will work itself out."

Belle hadn't believed a word of what she had just said and even without looking at his face, she had known that Rumplestiltskin would hardly have believed her either. ' _But hopefully it will be enough to stop him from doubting himself before it becomes all too clear that all fault has to be lain at my feet…'_

She had pretended to sleep after that, but it had taken her a long time before she had finally settled into a fretful sleep.

Belle had been woken from the morning light with Rumplestiltskin curled around her like a big lazy cat and when she opened her mouth, it had finally been too late: Her voice had been gone.

She had expected it, but she'd still been surprised by the blast of panic that had overcome her and left her gasping for shallow breaths, as she had tried to sort out her racing thoughts.

That had been it. No more chances to sort the whole mess out, only confrontation. The realization had made her head swim, but at the same it had helped her calm down again. It had been too late and whatever happened after that, she had made her choices, for to put something off further and further off was a decision all of its own, wasn't it?

So Belle waited for Rumplestiltskin to wake up. Whatever happened now, her secrecy would end now, one way or the other and the least she could do, was try to be brave throughout. It was too little too late, but there was nothing else left for her to do and make up for the time she had wasted lying to herself. She hadn't wanted to admit to herself that she wasn't the hero, she'd always wanted to be; she was selfish and all she could do was try to be brave, but sometimes it was just too hard to face the consequences. She only noticed that she had started crying when her vision blurred.

"Belle…?"

She had been so lost in thought that she had missed it when Rumplestiltskin had begun to stir and now she had to force herself to at least be consequent in her honesty when she had no other choice, when he looked at her with so much worry in his eyes that it broke her heart. Belle forced herself to hold his gaze when she gestured to her throat. _I can't_ , she mouthed, and his worry was replaced with a fretful busyness as he placed his hands against her throat. The warm prickle of magic grazed her skin again, and Belle had to repeat her mantra – _be brave, be brave, after all you did, this is the least you owe him_ \- in order not to look away from him.

Rumplestiltskin wrinkled his forehead in confusion, as he examined her throat. "I don't understand, I can't detect any curse…" He looked up at her again and she only shook her head. "Belle…?"

This was it, the moment it would all end, and only because she hadn't wanted to lose him, when she didn't even have him. The worst part was that she wouldn't change it if she could, wouldn't want to give up on a single moment she had had with him and if that wasn't proof of her true character, she didn't know what was. She had hurt him, would still hurt him so much more, but she still wouldn't change a thing.

 _Anything_ , she mouthed slowly, taking care to shape every sound overly clear. Rumplestiltskin only stared at her for long seconds and she already wanted to say it again, when he quietly repeated her word. "Anything…" It took him another endless moment, before she knew the coin had dropped. From one moment to the next his expression hardened and he leapt to his feet.

"Anything?!" His voice was a loud sneer, and when he began to pace around the room his movements were sharp. "Anything! And how far do you suppose the magic will take this?!" He turned around to her abruptly, and she just shook her head as he seemed to come to the same conclusion she had reached so many weeks ago now.

He laughed out loud, but it wasn't the soft laugh she had grown so used to over the last few weeks, it was the harsh rasp of the sorcerer.

"Ah, now it all makes sense! No wonder you were so wild on this deal! Wanted a way out of your little failed experiment, didn't you? Thought you could lead me around by my cock!" His voice grew shriller with each word and when he suddenly quieted, she almost missed his next words, silenced by bitterness. "And to think that I truly looked for a solution…"

She was crying in earnest now, but in the end, she could only shake her head when he whirled around again. With a snap of his fingers he was back in his clothes. "Love! As if! No one could ever love me!" He was spitting in his range, and she crawled towards him on the bed.

That wasn't how it was supposed to happen! Rumplestiltskin could hate her all he liked, she knew she deserved it, but he should never, never blame himself. _I'm so sorry_ , she mouthed, _I didn't know, didn't know how to tell you, but I love you, so much…_ If he even registered her desperate tries to appease him, Rumplestiltskin gave no sign of it when he roughly pulled her by the arm and she let go of a muffled shriek as he pulled her after him, coverlet still in hand.

Even without her sense of touch Belle registered the cold outside in the corridor. She could see how the hairs on her arm stood up and her toes slowly turned blue, stumbling over the stone floor, but what she noticed foremost was his shouting as he dragged her down to the dungeons and shoved her back into the cell she had first inhabited. Belle wanted to protest, but she couldn't – and wasn't that the whole problem?

She didn't talk to him, when she could, and when she wanted to she couldn't anymore. It was all just so wrong and if she had only been braver, maybe she could have explained properly. Even if he still hated her, maybe he'd at least believe her that she loved him.

In the end Belle was a coward after all, the worst kind that pretended to be something it wasn't, and the realization forced new tears to her eyes and wasn't it ironic that her sobs still echoed so loudly in the cold cell, when her voice had vanished.

ooo

Days bled into one another, while she waited. Food appeared in her cell, just like a dress she thankfully slipped into, but except for that it was as if he'd forgotten about her – forced her from his thoughts more likely- and new tears came to her eyes, when she thought about how ready he was to just believe that she didn't love him, that it was all a trick, that he wasn't worth it. If she could convince him of one single thing, it wouldn't be her innocence, but his worth.

Belle didn't have much of a chance of that, but what she did have was time to think on her situation.

At least he had not cast her out, even though that could still come, when he had had some time for his anger, the feelings he had always denied having. It probably was truly only a matter of time… But in her darker moments she thought that it could as well have to do with the secrets he had told her – _Bae, his name was Bae and he was the best boy any father could have ever had_ \- and even though no one could see her, he probably didn't want to take the risk of her leaving clues for his enemies, she thought bitterly.

Still, as long as she was here, Belle had the chance to tell him her side of the story: she had made a mistake and lied to him, but when she had made their deal she had not known what would happen and she truly loved him, loved him so much that her kiss almost lifted his curse. And that was probably the only chance of convincing him of her feelings she would have…

ooo

When he finally came back, he simply stood in the cell for a long while, silently staring at the wall behind her. Belle had noticed him the moment he had opened the door, but when he hadn't spoken to her, she had felt cold dread.

"Go."

He still didn't look at her when he finally spoke. Belle shook her head. That couldn't be happening, she wouldn't give up just like that!

"Go!" he shouted again and Belle finally got up and stumbled right before him, where he couldn't help but look at her. _I love you_!, she mouthed, but he only turned away from her again.

"Your lies bore me, keep them to yourself and now go!" His voice was a cold hiss and Belle almost gave up right then. He didn't want to hear what she had to say, he was already too convinced of his view on things.

But this was the last chance she would get and Belle just couldn't let it pass her by… Rumplestiltskin was already casting her out and this truly couldn't get any worse, so she didn't allow herself to think of all the reasons why this wasn't a good idea and threw herself in his arms and kissed him with all the desperation, all the love, she hadn't had the chance to voice and only pulled away when she felt the tell-tale prickle of magic on her lips, as the kiss started to fight the curse. Breathlessly she tried once again: _I love you_

Rumplestiltskin stood frozen in her embrace and Belle was sure that he had to be able to hear her heart, as loudly as it was beating in her chest. This was her last try and she had nothing else up her sleeve. If he didn't believe in the reminder of the magic between them, she didn't know what else she could do.

He shook his head and there he was again, her Rumplestiltskin, not the cold sorcerer, he so often hid behind, and when he looked up and met her eyes again, he looked at the same time so tried and so confused that she couldn't stop herself from soothingly stroking his neck. He began to speak, but halted before he could form a word and paused again for a long moment, before he finally spoke. "But then, why did you lie?", he whispered hoarsely at last.

Now it was at Belle to start her answer, only to realise that she couldn't speak anymore, when nothing came out. She swallowed hard and tried to think of a way to make him understand without words, when he brusquely picked a scroll out of thin air and handed it to her with a pen.

With a last deep breath she sat on the cot and with a little pause he followed her, his eyes still carefully empty, and that look just brook her heart all over again and she just had to make it better.

' _I didn't realise'_ , she wrote and her hand shook so much that her writing was barely readable. _'When I made my deal with you, I didn't realize, that there was more to come. When I finally caught up I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how and then I fell in love with yon and I just couldn't bear to lose you.'_ Belle swallowed hard. Her writing had become a blurred less and she had to pull herself together. ' _I always wanted to tell you, were about to that last day, but then I just wanted you to hold me one last time and then it was too late, please believe me.'_ And with a little pause, but painstakingly clear: ' _I am so so sorry.'_

Rumplestiltskin looked at her words for a long time, before he slowly stood up again. "I have to think…"

When he left her alone again Belle didn't know if she should feel relief or even more dread. She suddenly felt very tired and when she huddled up under her blanket she tried to concentrate on the hope that still hid inside her chest. At least there was still hope. He had not cast her out, and it could still turn out well.

ooo

This time he didn't stay away for long. He returned only the next morning and when he stepped into her cell this time, Belle looked at him expectantly, heart hammering in her chest.

He stilled for a moment, then he asked quietly: "What exactly did you promise?"

Tears came to her eyes and Belle had to smile shaky, because this wasn't sending her away, at least not yet, even if it also wasn't quite forgiveness. She reached for her scroll again and her heart stumbled as he sat down next to her.

' _Anything_ ' she wrote, and he laughed brokenly, a raged, breathless sound. "You stupid, stupid girl. That's exactly what it takes. Anything, everything. And that only for directions to me, not even the help itself? Was your foolish bargain worth it at least?

' _Yes, it was worth everything'_ Belle looked him square in the eyes, before she continued. ' _It helped me save my people's life and it led me to you'_

Rumplestiltskin shook his head again, but this time he seemed more tired than agitated. "You stupid, stupid girl", he repeated, but his voice was soft now, and before her bravery could leave her, Belle leaned her head on his shoulder and softly cried both out of relief and for everything they had lost and when he put his arm around her it felt as if they both held each other together and maybe that was exactly what it was.

ooo

Nothing stayed the same afterwards, even though it seemed like it on the surface.

Rumplestiltskin had lead her out of the cell behind him and she slept once again in her bedroom, he curled close around her, but the carefreeness between them was lost.

He had her tell him exactly what had happened so far and Belle flinched at his expression, when she revealed what she had already lost and how far the magic had already progressed. She smiled for him, trying to at least give him something to hold on to. ' _Who knows'_ , she wrote on the little notebook she always carried around with her now. ' _Maybe it had at least one good point: if I hadn't feared to never know what your kiss feels like, we would maybe never have found each other._ ' Rumplestiltskin didn't return her smile, but he held her so tightly it almost hurts.

There was not much pretence left of her being his housekeeper, either. Rumplestiltskin had told her that he wanted to have her near, just in case, and she hadn't argued. She still made their tea, but his magic kept the castle clean once more as they spent most of their time in his tower, her reading on a stool, where he could always see her, while she at the same time wasn't too close to any potentially dangerous magic ingredients, and him brooding over old magic tomes. They never spoke about what exactly he was looking for, but Belle knew that she was the subject of his worries, when he looked up to her with eyes full of sorrow in between his research.

To be honest Belle didn't truly believe that much would come of it, but she couldn't bring it over herself to say so. Rumplestiltskin knew it well enough himself if his worried countenance was anything to go by and Belle didn't want to rob him of his last hope. She knew all too well how hope could be the only thing to hold a person together. She promised the magic anything, for its help, and yes it was stupid, but the magic fulfilled its end of the deal and now it was her turn. Everything had its price, as he was so wont to say, and there was nothing left for Belle to do that could change a thing about it, even though she'd do close to anything – _again that fateful, stupid promise, and oh, shouldn't she know better the third time?_ \- to stay with him. Instead she tried her best to make the time left to them as good as possible.

It was not as easy as it once was to talk, but Belle did her best to breach the abyss her secrecy had created between them and took care to still have tea together every day and talk – if that's what one could call their conversations half done on paper- about everything and nothing.

She told him of her childhood, the books she read and the games she played, and he made her laugh with tales about his more adventurous deals and smile sadly at tales of his son.

That was the one point that made her heart lighter: Even if she'd soon be gone, he was as close to finding his son as he had never been before with the curse all but ready, and surely Baelfire would be enough to help him get over her loss.

ooo

The next sense to go was her hearing and when he started to talk to her one morning and she didn't hear a thing she just shook her head and smiled for him. It was not so bad after all. They had reconciled and that was more than Belle had dared hope for in the end. She had to pay her debts, but as longs as she could do so beside him she wouldn't complain.

Rumplestiltskin looked even gloomier then, and even though she tried to kiss his worries away again his research became even more frantic from then on.

The first and probably most dire change was that he didn't go out to deal anymore. ' _No need, the search is more important right now_ ', he wrote her and Belle already missed his voice so much it hurt, even though it had only been days since she had last heard it and because of that she was so very glad when the woman appeared.

Judging by her appearance and the stories Rumpel had told her, Belle guessed her to be the queen when she dashed into the castle one morning, acting as if she owned it and seemingly demanding something of her love. It was the first reminder in a long time that she was invisible to the world and it startled Belle once again that she could ever forget something like that, but to tell the truth it was even more saddening to realize that this had become the least of her worries.

Belle couldn't hear what they said to each other, but she saw that it didn't take long for Rumpel to get angry and sent the Queen on her way again. When she asked him what their fight was about, he answered airily that the queen had wanted his help, but that he hadn't been in the mood.

Belle felt how the colour drained from her face and she rapidly shook her head. _No_ , she mouthed as she frantically searched for her notebook. _'You need her to cast the curse, to find Baelfire. Don't anger her on my behalf! Don't risk it all for me!_ ' She looked at him pleadingly. _'You won't be able to safe me, but that's okay, as long as you find him!'_ There she had voiced her true thoughts, and even though she knew that he had to realize that there was no way to cheat the magic, his face crumbled at her words. Belle hugged him fiercely, and wished once again that she could feel him against her, but the thought of being so close already helped and this was mostly for him anyway. _Don't be sad, not on my account_ , she whispered, but of course he couldn't hear her, and he never would again.

He was despondent the next days and Belle watched with worry how he forsook his books, and turned to his wheel instead, spending the whole day spinning straw into gold. That was exactly what Belle had wished for, but she hadn't imagined him to be so crushed and she wasn't much better. For all her wanting him to realize the truth, Belle didn't quite know how to act in the face of that same truth. She couldn't just pretend that nothing was wrong, but she also didn't want to encourage his melancholy, so she just sat right next to him and read by day, and curled up in his embrace by night. At least they were together.

ooo

Belle had noticed that the magic was demanding its price faster and faster, but she was still surprised when her sight became blurry only weeks after her hearing had vanished. She spent her last day with her sight intact touring the castle once more, committing every crook to her memory, Rumpesltiltskin a silent shadow beside her. She ignored his inquiring gaze, until they curled up together in the library that evening, where she thumbed through all her favourite books one last time.

Of course he knew that something was wrong and when he tilted her face up to meet his gaze, she could see in his eyes that he already knew the answer to the question he didn't quite dare to ask: _Belle…_ She smiled at him and shrugged, such a careless gesture to say so much.

 _Look at me_ , she mouthed, and couldn't help thinking that they had become quite good at communicating this way when he obeyed her and she simply looked at him for a moment, burning his face into her memory. ' _I'll never forget his face'_ , she promised herself, even as her treacherous mind whispered, that forever wouldn't be all that long for her.

Rumplestiltskin held her especially tight that night and when Belle woke up the next morning everything stayed dark even though she opened her eyes. She tried to stir, but she couldn't get up and suddenly the nausea that had overcome her at this next hindrance ebbed away. Even without being able to feel his arm around her she knew that he hadn't let go of her.

Belle lay in the darkness, alone with her thoughts, but somehow knowing that he was close made it all bearable. That was her chance to be brave in the very end. There was nothing she could do to change her situation, but she could chose not to despair, to be brave in her last days and think of all that she had gained and not all that she had lost. The resolution made her fell oddly peaceful, as if all she had had to do all along was simply to accept her fate and maybe that was the truth, but in the end she couldn't bring herself to wish all she had had away only for a little more time.

She had lain there for a long while, when she suddenly wasn't alone anymore. "How is that possible?", Belle asked and almost cried, when she heard his voice again after so long, even if it was only in her head. "Magic, love, it's good for something at least. I won't leave you alone."

"Thank you", she whispered, and this was so much easier than making do with snippets of paper. "I'm glad I won't have to die alone," she added, because when the last step had been only weeks after the one before, she'd only have days this time and what had she left now other than her life?

"You won't die!" he raged and before Belle had a chance to appease him, to say that she had already made her peace with it, Rumple continued: "I'll find a way, I only need a little more time…"

"It's going faster and faster now… ", she reminded him gently. "There won't be much more time." She didn't want to hurt him, but there wasn't much they could do, but accept her fate.

"But I can't let you go, Belle. Please, I just – I can't-", his voice broke and Belle wanted nothing more than to be able to hug him. "Rumple, it's okay. I'm ready and you'll find Balefire and everything will be-" "No, nothing will be fine!" he interrupted her harshly, before he calmed himself again.

"I will freeze you in time", he finally declared and Belle was too shocked to say anything at all to that. Seemingly encouraged by her silence, Rumpel continued. "That way the magic won't proceed further. I'll have time to think of a way to give you back what you already lost and when we're in the Land Without Magic, you'll be safe from further harm. I won't lose another person I love."

"It's not your fault", she assured him. As convinced as he was of his plan it had a horrible lot of uncertainties.

"I still won't let it happen", Rumplestiltskin concluded resolutely. "And I won't take any more chances". He paused for a moment and she wished she could see his face. "I love you Belle", he ended softly and she just knew that tone.

"I love you too, but there's nothing you can do. Please, don't risk your future with Bae for my sake." Because if his plan was going to fail it might just endanger the curse enough to destroy his last chance at a happy ending and Belle wasn't willing to risk that, but he didn't even seem to hear her anymore.

"We'll see each other again, I promise" were his last words to her and Belle wanted to answer so desperately, to tell him to stop, to reconsider, but the magic was already enclosing her and then there only nothingness and she couldn't think anymore.

* * *

Emma had always been a little uncomfortable in hospitals, there was just something about the nurses and the smell that made her think of public institutes and bleach that made her uncomfortable.

Well, right now she didn't have much of a choice. Mary Margaret had asked her to drive her home after her volunteer shift at the hospital when her car broke down that morning and after she had offered her a roof over her head, she hadn't really been able to refuse.

Last time they'd been here, she hadn't really had time for the grand tour and it seemed as if Mary Margaret had gotten it in her head to remedy that. ' _Well_ ', Emma thought as she followed Mary Margaret leisurely, while the other woman pointed out the different areas ' _at least she's not going on about David Nolan again…_ ' It was bad enough that Henry actually felt encouraged by the whole episode, but she'd noticed the way her friend eyed up the former John Doe and even though it really wasn't her business what her friend did or didn't do, she was quite sure that the whole thing would end up a mess.

Emma stopped abruptly. Yes, she hadn't been mistaken. There, through the window of the next room she could see Mr. Gold. The town monster was sitting next to the bed of a pretty brunette, who seemed to be sleeping. That didn't seem to stop him though. She couldn't hear him, but it looked as if he was talking to her, as he pulled out a book – the thick-tomed kind that had never held much appeal for her- and seemingly began to read to her.

"Who is that?" she asked Mary Margaret, still eying the various cables coming from the woman's body. She was no doctor, but that seemed pretty dire to her. Poor girl, whoever managed to make Gold act like a normal person sure was something else.

"Isabelle Gold." Mary Margaret said from right behind her and for a moment Emma was so startled, that she almost didn't hear how her friend continued. "She had a car accident a few years back and she's been in a coma ever since."

"And who is she to him?" Emma asked, but seeing the soft look in Gold's eyes when he looked up from his book and at the woman, she already knew the answer, before she heard it.

"She's his wife."


End file.
